Life lessons to learn from the book How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

Written by Girishkumar Kumaran. Last updated at 2022-08-03 16:40:40

If you're looking for a way to improve your social life, look no further than Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. This classic guide has changed the lives of countless people, including mine! Over several years as an adult, I've learned many valuable lessons about how to make friends and influence people. Some are simple steps that anyone can take; others involve more effort. But if you take these life lessons to heart and apply them consistently over time, they will help you become successful at making friends and influencing others in all areas of life! Read on for some essential tips:

Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

The most important thing to remember is that criticism, condemnation, and complaining are all forms of negative energy. They can destroy relationships and make you look like a jerk.

Criticism involves passing judgment on others, so it's often a way of expressing anger or frustration at someone else's actions. It may be intended to influence the person being criticized, but it will more likely just hurt their feelings and make them defensive instead of receptive to your concerns.

Another essential thing to remember is that when you're criticizing someone else for something they did wrong (or didn't do), you're trying to control them instead of having an honest conversation about your feelings with them directly (which would be healthy).

Another essential thing to remember is that when you're criticizing someone else for something they did wrong (or didn't do), you're trying to control them instead of having an honest conversation about your feelings with them directly (which would be healthy).

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Appreciation is the most important thing you can give. It costs nothing, but it's worth more than diamonds.

In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie writes that if you want people to like you, the first thing you must do is be interested in them. He says that if someone does something for you or gives you something, acknowledge their effort or gift with gratitude. You don't have to go overboard with praise—thank them for what they did and let them know how much it means to you.

If someone tells you about a problem they're having or a goal they're trying to reach, offer any assistance or guidance within your power without making him feel indebted (or telling him what he should do). If he comes up with an idea while talking with you, congratulate him on his creativity instead of trying to take credit for his opinion before he even thinks of it himself! A great way of showing sincere appreciation is saying something like: "That's amazing! I had no idea how creative/talented/understanding _____ was until today."

It's easy to say that you should be grateful for everything in your life, but it's much harder to express this gratitude. The first step is recognizing when someone has done something for you or given you something, whether tangible (food, clothing) or intangible (time, advice). Next, think about how you would respond if someone said thanks without trying to take credit for what they did; then follow through and do so!

Arouse in the other person an eager want.

The other person will be more receptive to your ideas.

When you are trying to convince people to do something, or buy something, or follow some plan of yours, it is a good idea to start by arousing in them an eager want. To do this, be sure that they realize clearly what it is they are going to get if they follow your advice—a new home of their own; a more significant business; better health and longer life; a chance for greater happiness—it depends on the situation but always keeps the end in view and make sure that every step taken leads toward it.

The second principle I learned from my study of this book was "Show yourself friendly and likable." How many people do we know who don't like us? We know plenty! Why? Maybe because we haven't done things correctly to gain their trust, they can open up with us and let us in on their feelings when things aren't going well. Or maybe we haven't made ourselves available enough when they need help with something important - like finding employment or getting into college classes."

Another good rule is to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. This is a good practice in everyday life, too. Try it! If a child has done something wrong, don't start by scolding them. Tell a story of how you did something similar when you were younger. This book contains practical and helpful advice that can be applied at work and in our personal lives.

Become genuinely interested in other people.

This is one of the most critical lessons in the book and the key to success in life. Dale Carnegie says:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

It's so simple, but it's true! If you want to win friends, become genuinely interested in other people's lives. Ask questions that lead to discussion and take an active interest in what they have to say. Remember names and details about their lives, as well as yours.

Be sincere when interacting with others. Even if someone doesn't seem to be paying attention, they'll remember you better than if they're bored.

It's important because it's a great way to win friends and make connections with people and because being interested in others gives you a better understanding of yourself.

Smile.

Smiling is contagious. When you smile, it makes other people smile too. A genuine smile is a sign of confidence and happiness, making it the perfect tool to use when building relationships with others. Smiling can make you feel better too, which will help you stay positive even in difficult situations. And let’s be honest: smiling makes you look younger! (It also helps make you more attractive.) So why not give it a try and brighten up your day?

``` The best way to learn is by doing. We would like you to take the briefs above, write a couple of paragraphs for each (following the guidelines), and send them back to us. The goal is to demonstrate that you can follow directions, write cleanly and concisely, and match the tone with content. You will not be penalized if you do not complete all three briefs in their entirety; we understand that this may take some time.

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

This is an essential lesson because people like to be remembered. Calling someone by their name makes them feel special, and they will like you more.

They also want to be called by their name with respect, so make sure your tone of voice matches how vital the person is in your or the group's eyes. You should not talk about yourself too much when talking to another person; instead, ask them questions that relate to them. Listen carefully when they answer those questions, and remember what they say about themselves (don't interrupt). This shows that you appreciate them as human beings with thoughts and feelings and not just as empty vessels who exist only to serve you at all times.

Treating people kindly and respectfully even when angry, upset, frustrated, or tired is essential. If not, they may not want to return because they don't feel appreciated by you.

Be a good listener. Please encourage others to talk about themselves.

To be a good listener, you must give the other person a chance to talk about themselves. Don't try to monopolize the conversation. Ask questions about them, not about you! If you have something vital to say, wait until they finish their sentence, and then tell your piece.

Never interrupt others when they are speaking. Let them finish what they say before you start talking—and even then, only if it's important and relevant! Even listening carefully may not be enough; some people need more than just an ear—they need our eyes too! Watch for facial expressions and body language so that we can interpret correctly what someone is trying to tell us when we're listening in this way; otherwise, our "understanding" might be incorrect and hurtful at best (and downright offensive at worst).

Finally: DON'T JUDGE unless necessary--and even then, only if asked directly by someone else who needs your opinion now rather than later."

Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

One of the essential rules in Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People is to talk about the other person’s interests. It seems simple, but it can be very effective if you follow this advice:

Be interested in what others have to say. Ask questions about their interests and hobbies, especially their work or career; this will help you connect with them!

Use the other person's interests as an icebreaker when getting acquainted with new people (or even your friends). For instance, if someone tells you that they enjoy playing tennis on weekends, try asking them about their favorite tennis matches; if someone says they are into reading books about psychology or science fiction novels by Isaac Asimov or Ray Bradbury (to name just two), then ask them what books they’ve been reading lately! You can even use someone else's hobbies as an excuse for meeting up with them again: "Hey Bob! I've been meaning to call/email/text/postcard myself but haven't had time until now... How do you feel about going bowling this Saturday?"

If you talk about other people's interests, they will be more likely to listen and give you the time of day. This is especially true if that person feels as though you are genuinely interested in their interests.

Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

According to Carnegie, people want to feel important. So, if you make someone feel important, they will be more likely to listen to what you have to say and take your advice seriously. The best way to do this is by being sincere in your approach and asking them about their interests. If a person has an appeal that connects with yours, acknowledge it! Tell them that you admire their work or share similar interests yourself.

If possible, compliment the person on something specific: not just "nice shirt" but "I like the color green in your eyes." Compliments are great because they show genuine appreciation for something positive about another person—and when we receive compliments from others sincerely (not sarcastically), this makes us feel good inside as well!

However, Carnegie cautions against being insincere: If someone knows you're just saying something nice to make them feel good, they might not take your compliment seriously. Instead, be genuine in your approach and watch as others become more receptive to what you say.

If you take these life lessons to heart, they will help you make friends and influence people!

Life is indeed a game of give-and-take. But Carnegie's book highlights the importance of giving first, and I think it's worth considering how this approach can change your relationships and life.

My favorite lesson in How to Win Friends and Influence People is: "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." This one seems simple, but it has profound implications for how we relate to others. If you take this lesson seriously, you'll be surprised at how profoundly it improves your interactions with everyone from family members to coworkers to strangers!

When we remember someone else’s name and use it correctly, they feel acknowledged by us, making them more receptive to what we are saying or doing next. The trick here is not just learning people’s names but remembering them over time; if possible, adopt a mental strategy for recalling them quickly when you meet again (try attaching the title to an image or location).

Conclusion

You can learn a lot from this book. I know that if you take these life lessons to heart, they will help you make friends and influence people!

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